Being single is great. I have time to take on multiple projects, work out, see my friends and tend to my dog/child (as in my dog is essentially my child).
I personally feel that the older I get, the more fun I have being single. I’ve got a great job that pays well, which means I can travel more without having to account for a significant other. My calendar is basically as free as a bird and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My family and friends don’t seem to be as excited about this as I am. In all fairness, I don’t feel any pressure coming from anyone to settle down. But I do get the occasional comments of “so you really don’t have anyone in your life? Not interested in anyone? At all?!”
Well, no. I don’t and I am not.
Suddenly the conversation takes an interesting turn and it’s apparently my fault that I’m single. (Not that I was looking for someone to blame, I love it!) According to the feedback I’ve received I’m too much like one of the guys. And, as has been pointed out to me, the kind of guy I would be interested in does not want to date one of the guys.
So to get everyone off my case, I turned to my good friend and life coach, Google, and I did some research. Apparently, there’s an actual strategy out there on the internet of how to attract someone. So I decided to take this strategy and try it out on some of my friends.
Forewarning: I am a very awkward person by nature, so you can imagine how some of this played out.
Below are the steps you have to take to attract someone to yourself:
- Lean forward while talking and ensure your body is facing the person
Easy enough. Suddenly every conversation I was having looked like a secret confession. Leaning in to tell someone about a funny video you saw online can get a little bit weird. I’m pretty sure the guys felt more of an invasion of personal space rather than attraction to me.
- Make eye contact with a smile
Eye contact is my game. I always make eye contact. In fact, I’ve gotten myself into a few unfortunate situations because of my natural habit of making eye contact. The problem came in mid-eye contact when I realized I should also be smiling. Cue in awkward/creepy smile.
- Dim the lights
At first I found this quite offensive. Why do I need to dim the lights? Can I not attract someone if my face is in full, clear view? Regardless, I had committed to this strategy and picked a dimly lit restaurant for our weekly dinner. That just ended up with a lot squinting at the menu and our plates. Not so attractive.
No, Leo, not even you can pull that off.
- Mirror the person’s actions
The logic behind this is that the other person will subconsciously feel a connection with you when you’re doing the same things. What they didn’t factor in is that when you’re consciously picking up a water bottle every time the other person does, you start to look more suspicious than attractive.
- Walk on the person’s left side
I don’t recall exactly why they tell you to do this, but it has something to do with the relation between the left side of the brain and attraction. Anyway, imagine constantly stopping mid-walk and trying to not-so-smoothly make your way to the left side of the person you’re walking with. This was a complete disaster.
- Have a signature perfume
I always wear the same perfume anyway, so there wasn’t much to change here. Though I highly doubt my friends think of me when they get a whiff of Coco Mademoiselle.
Maybe if I looked more like Keira Knightley…
- Meet on a sunny day
Is it dim lights or sunshine people? Get your strategy straight! I did both anyway. I had a burn on my face on that particular day so the extra light exposure wasn’t doing me any favours.
- Wear red
Does lipstick count? I decided that it did and went with red lipstick. The whole point was that red is a colour that naturally attracts, so I figured it didn’t matter whether it was in the form of clothing or make up. Again, I’m notorious for my red lipstick, so I’m not sure that it made a difference in the way I was looked at.
I don’t giggle, I laugh uncontrollably. Sometime it turns into a light snort which I cover up with an over the top coughing fit. So my attempt at giggling was unnatural and not at all attractive.
- Talk in a higher pitch
I’d like to write to the people that came up with this strategy and have this absurd suggestion removed from the list. All it got me was a lot of weird looks.
- Walk with a sway
Seriously? It was hard enough trying to sneak my way to the left side of the guy, now I had to do it with a sway?! Also, swaying your hips while walking is hard. Not to be attempted for the first time in a public place.
- Tone your arms
Sorry friends, not happening. My arms have been a problem area for a while and there was no way they were going to be toned in time for this experiment.
- Make sure you have glowing skin
I like to believe that I already have good skin, so I didn’t do much in this area. Again, not sure that this made any difference in my level of attractiveness.
- Be interesting
I like to talk a lot. And I like to keep up conversation. I also think that my conversations are always interesting. So maybe that’s my problem. Perhaps I’m not as interesting as I think I am…
- Small touches
The instructions were to occasionally touch the persons arm while speaking. I usually do this with my friends so it didn’t seem like I was making an extra effort. Come to think of it, I already do a lot of this stuff, so maybe I need some super strategy to attract someone to me, because it obviously isn’t happening now.
As you can probably tell, it didn’t work. Maybe I should try it out on someone who isn’t a friend and doesn’t already know my awkward, “one of the guys” ways. Maybe it was the lack of toned arms that let me down. Whatever it was, at least I can say I tried. Now excuse me while I plan my single summer vacation…