The Sisterhood of Club Bathrooms

Any girl who’s ever been to a club knows about the Sisterhood of Club Bathrooms. This Sisterhood usually commences around midnight, and continues on until everyone’s finally stumbling out of the place. For those who have never entered a club bathroom, this Sisterhood sounds like complete fiction. They’d probably sooner believe that you walked into that bathroom and found a unicorn doing lines of rainbow dust off the floor.

The reason for this disbelief is: before the commencement time, these women are the complete opposite of what they become once entering the bathroom post-12AM.

As with every Sisterhood, each individual has their own role to play. With my personal experience in countless club bathrooms, I was able to narrow this down to the 5 personalities that make up The Sisterhood of Club Bathrooms.

1) The “I LOVE what you’re wearing” Girl

What she’s usually like:

This is the person who has referred to you as “tacky shoe girl” to all of her friends, and spent the first half of the night expressing her astonishment at how you could bring yourself to leave the house in the outfit you have chosen.

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What she’s like in club bathrooms:

Once the clock strikes midnight, this Cinderella goes from fashion police to adoring fan. Suddenly she’s all over you in the bathroom telling you how much she loves your shoes. She insists that you tell her where they’re from and spends about two minutes trying to type it in to her notes on her phone (tiny buttons and cosmos don’t really mix).

pic 1 bathroom

 

2) The “Here, use mine” Girl

What she’s usually like:

This germophobe doesn’t like sharing anything with anyone. She’s developed amazing skills at avoiding requests from family and friends to borrow or use her things. Just the thought of having her lipstick passed around ends her up at the pharmacy buying a handful of disinfectants.

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What she’s like in club bathrooms:

As the night progresses, you’ll find her passing out makeup like it’s free candy. She attacks every girl who looks like she needs a touch up, and may even lunge in to do it for her. Her makeup bag becomes public property, and everyone’s invited to join the party. She even turns into a pro makeup artist and offers her tips and tricks to anyone who’s willing to listen.

pic 2 bathroom

 

3) The “Screw him, you’re beautiful” Girl

What she’s usually like:

This is the girl that sees you the minute you walk into the club and decides that your date is far too good for you. She is utterly unimpressed at the fact that someone like him would agree to be seen in public with someone like you. She already predicts that the night isn’t going to end up well for you, and laughs to her friends about what a train-wreck you’re going to be when he dumps you at the end of the night.

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What she’s like in club bathrooms:

Though her prediction comes true, she’s no longer laughing when she sees you bawling your eyes out in the bathroom. She goes into mama bear mode, grabs you and tells you how beautiful you are, and forces you into her embrace. You then have to sit through a 20 minute speech about how women should rely on each other, not men.

pic 3 bathroom

 

4) The “Do you need any help?” Girl

What she’s usually like:

She’s spotted you at the bar and pointed you out to her friends with a “too-drunk-for-life” warning. She watches in astonishment as you throw back those shots, thinking about the poor girl who’s going to have to pick you up off the floor at the end of the night (because she wouldn’t touch you with a stick in that state).

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What she’s like in club bathrooms:

Once she enters the bathroom after midnight, she turns into a drunk person’s superhero. She rushes from cubicle to cubicle asking random strangers if they need any help, armed with toilet paper and hair ties. She even offers to hold your hair back and slaps you to stay awake every once in a while for fear that you might get a concussion.

pic 4 bathroom

5) The “I’ve missed you! Here’s my number” Girl

What she’s usually like:

She sees you. She recognises you. She informs her friends that they need to create a human barrier around her so that you never see her. She hasn’t talked to you in a while and has no intention of getting in touch, ever.

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What she’s like in club bathrooms:

When she sees you again through a bathroom mirror at 1AM, everything changes. Suddenly you’re both jumping around, screeching about how it’s been aaages since you’ve seen each other. You exchange numbers, and she even makes you promise that you’ll go for brunch the next day.

pic 5 bathroom

 

I’m not sure why this unspoken bond happens in club bathrooms. Why mean girls suddenly stick together in the wee hours of the night (while waiting to take a wee). But hey, that’s just how it works.

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Lama