With wedding season upon us, single 20-something year old women all dread the same thing. It’s not the hours spent doing hair and makeup, nor is it the months of starvation to get into that perfect dress.
Weddings are usually a time of joy and celebration, but as single women move further into their 20’s, it turns into an endless sea of sympathetic looks and “when will we see you in a white dress?” comments. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but prince charming isn’t just standing outside waiting for me to open up the door.
Once you pass 25, it only gets worse. The silent looks and passive comments become confrontations. Suddenly, you’re being told you’re getting old. And what about kids? You’ll soon be too old for those too.
And then they hit you with a “come on, you need to make more of an effort”, like it’s a job trying to find a husband and you’ve been slacking off.
You get laughed at when you respond with “I just haven’t found the right person yet”, because apparently marriage is no longer about finding someone you love, it’s just about finding someone to handle your financials and complete the baby making machine that our society sees us as being.
And God forbid you mention that you just don’t want to be married right now. If you do attempt sharing this, be prepared for prayers to heal your soul being thrown at you.
Thankfully, my parents are too busy with their own lives to worry about whether or not I’m going to get married. But that doesn’t stop everyone else and their grandmothers from contributing their unwanted opinions.
This puts pressure on girls like me, and I constantly see these girls start to worry and panic. They start feeling like maybe there’s something wrong with them. Or that maybe they need to be less like what they are, and more like what guy apparently want in a girl.
So this is my open letter to all the women who have found themselves in this situation.
Dear single 20-somethings,
I am writing this letter today to inform you that you need to stop f’ing feeling sorry for yourself. You probably have a great job, have traveled more than most people and are in good health. Crying over being single is unacceptable and ungrateful. Be happy, proud even, of what you have achieved so far!
There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with them. And by them, I mean:
- That asshole who constantly flirts with you, leading you on, but has no intentions of being with you because he “doesn’t want to be committed”.
- Your friends and family members who insist that you need to be more feminine because, apparently, you’re a little too intense and may be scaring men off.
- People who are convinced that your ovaries are already shriveling up at 28.
Continuing on from point 2 above, stop changing yourself when you’re around guys you’re interested in. Do not try to be something that they want, because if you’re not already like that it just means that they don’t want you. And you shouldn’t want them in that case. Be yourself, because anything less is not worth it.
Keep traveling, keep exploring the different things that are out there. Meet new people, and don’t lock yourself inside because you’re trying to hide your bare ring finger from the world. Be committed to your work instead, to the gym, or to travel plans with your friends (or, why not all 3?)
Be ambitious, climb up that career ladder. Don’t for a second hold back because you’re worried a guy will be intimidated by you. If he can’t appreciate how brilliant you are, he’s just not worth it.
Do stand up for yourself and respond to all these idiots who are pressuring you into the depressed state you’re in. Let them know that your priorities are far superior to what they think it should be.
Go out there and live. The rest will come when it’s time.